This is what happened when a British author, who we’ll call Johnny, was in the American South. He’s a radical atheist. And he was addled on coke and mescaline and all sorts of other heinous substances.

Don’t baulk at that, it always worked for him. And Random House were hitting him with $40K advances per book. And his books hit the bestseller lists…

But when in the South for book signings he ran into a Pentecostal pastor. And his brain being somewhat addled, he got the pastor on his own, and pulled a gun on him. Pointed it right at the pastor’s head.

This is what Johnny said to him:

“It’s your lucky day, you’re going to meet your God. You do have faith, don’t you? I mean me shooting you dead shouldn’t be a problem. After all, I’m sending you to paradise. But I hope you don’t mind I will need to empty the whole clip into you, make a mess of your body, bit of a job for the undertakers. But the thing is I’m an artist. And I like to see the pretty patterns of the blood spattering on the wall. Why are you crying? I thought you’d be happy? You’re going to see God for chrissakes! Oh, maybe you don’t like God? Is that it? Well I’m still going to shoot you. I’m going to do the world a favor. One less Christian is one less fucking oppressor. But actually I think I’d like to cut one of your ears off first if that’s okay. I’m feeling a little peckish you see. And I’ve taken a liking to your ears. So I might cut both of them off…”

Johnny’s a great guy actually. You’d like him a lot. He wants to wipe religion and belief off the face of the Earth, which he believes would make for a peaceful and far less abusive planet. He really hates the US Bible Belt, as the story above attests.

What do you think of Johnny’s anti-religion and anti-belief stance? And also whether you think it was extreme, him pulling a gun on that pastor? Or whether you think the pastor deserved it for spreading a truly evil and oppressive religion like Christianity?

Oh and BTW the pastor forgave Johnny for what he did when Johnny gave him a bagful of cocaine as a peace gesture.

Jimmy Lee Shreeve

Hey, I'm Jimmy Lee. An author and entrepreneur. Books include Get Money, Bewitched, Human Sacrifice, Cannibals, Doktor Snake’s Voodoo Spellbook, The Unthinking Barbarians' Nine Rules For Life, Blood...

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2 Comments

  1. I’ve always thought what a close relationship there is between fundamentalism and its opposite. Look at Crowley. Would he have been the man he became if he hadnt come from a fundamentalist background. A good deal of his posturing derives from his fight against his childhood indoctrination. Would we have had To mega therion if he had come from an atheist background?

    1. Yes, old Crowley in truth didn’t escape the early mental programming of his Plymouth Brethren parents. As you say, possibly no Mega Therion, no Book of the Law – as he wouldn’t have felt compelled to write his own Bible, haha! That said, he was brilliant. Some stunning insights, and also really good fiction.

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